Category: Forgiveness and Faith

(On Co-leading without abortion in her past)

Recently I had the opportunity to serve alongside Mindy for a weekend intensive for Abortion Recovery. In addition to working through the whole Bible study in advance of the weekend, I was constantly praying about the women who would participate as well as my place in it. Though I had not experienced an abortion, I was interested to see where the church could benefit from such a ministry. What an immense blessing I received!

We began the weekend with faces downcast and unsure. As the study unfolded, each of us began to see Godʼs love no matter how great our sin. I experienced conviction in the study of the Word, and saw how each participant began to understand Godʼs holiness and great mercy towards each of us. The Lord bonded our hearts as we were reminded of our sisterhood in Christ Jesus.

The ladies recognized a great Redeemer who makes all things new. It was a joyful ending as we learned that not only are we forgiven, we are free!

The theme passage is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4… As we said our goodbyes it was with the encouragement that we must seek out others who are living with the guilt and shame of past sins. We must show them the light of the Savior who calls us to fellowship with Him. This ministry is seeking to do the work Christ calls each of us too, especially the many who still hide behind a weight they cannot carry alone. ~Angie Cunningham

In the early stages of healing the details of a person’s abortion experience are often fuzzy. As time goes by, the Lord strengthens them, and they gain a little courage to seek out the details to better understand what happened that day. Now, this isn’t the case for all women, some of us do not have anyone or anywhere we can go to find more details and some simply don’t care to know more.

Lady M. wanted to know more. She had done a lot of work on her healing journey. She knew she had three abortions but there were some details that weren’t clear surrounding her second. Just weeks before our first session, she reached out to her former husband (the father of the baby) and asked him about the details of that day. She remembered she came home from the abortion center but was having some complications, things just weren’t right, and she was told to return to the center. Her memory stopped there. He must’ve thought she knew what he was going to tell her because his manner was sort of casual and nonchalant as he told her she aborted twins.

There is a stigma to having an abortion. There is another stigma to having multiples. It was hard enough to accept she had three children lost to abortion, now she needed to reconcile the fact that there was a fourth baby she needed to acknowledge before the Lord.

It’s never easy. It’s never simple. Our hearts are forever linked to our children. God is gentle, kind, and full of tender mercies. Lady M. assigned her baby a gender, gave him a name, brought him out of the shadows, honored him by giving him the dignity of his humanity as she said hello and goodbye.

Abortion is traumatic. Abortion is not something we dream of doing when we get older. Abortion is not a badge of honor but a cloak of shame. There are many, including ourselves, who want us to carry that shame all our days. God does not! He endured the cross, despising the shame. He scorned our shame. He lived the life we couldn’t live, to die the death we deserved to die, and rose from the grave offering all who call upon His name new life.

If anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. All things have been made new. Hallelujah!

When Lady E. contacted me to sign up for a group, she couldn’t stop crying. I could feel her sorrow through the phone. Her emotion and pain were raw because she had her abortion in the spring. Lady E. had decided to take the abortion pills.

As with many young women who take these pills the veil of deceit is ripped away as they sit in the bathroom until their bodies finish expelling their babies. They are forever traumatized by what they see in the toilet. Their bathroom becomes a continual reminder of their abortion and many struggle to enter that room again. Once the process is complete, they are alone and faced with the decision of how to dispose of the body of their baby. Asking…

Do I flush it?

Do I bury it?

I cannot even image the nightmare of this scene or the wrestling of thoughts in her head. There are some things, once seen, that can never be unseen.

Lady E. was living in the aftermath of her decision. She desperately wanted relief from her sorrow and grief. She often said she was overwhelmed and couldn’t see when this sorrow would end.

Lady E. is one of those women who would not have sought out abortion had it been illegal. Her state made it illegal one month after her abortion with the overturning of Roe.

She was angry!

She was angry at the state legislation, and she was angry at herself for not walking out of the abortion center that day. She was angry with the father of the baby for pressuring her to have the abortion, as he had pressured other girls before her.

Oh, how hindsight is 20/20.

We talked many times before her group started and many times between sessions. The first half of her group experience was difficult as she struggled with her emotions. Midway through the group she contacted me for prayer because she was having a particularly difficult time getting herself under control. I sent out an urgent prayer request to our 53-member prayer team. Several responded with a typed-out prayer. In our next meeting I noticed a remarkable change in her countenance. She was smiling. She had joy written all over her face.

The night the prayer team was praying, she decided she needed to go to church again. Apparently, she stopped going to church several years prior. During the service the Lord met her, comforted her, and brought light into her heart. God wooed her back through those prayers. Her tears flowed as she learned about the prayer team covering her that night. She expressed how comforting it was that others cared for her during that time. I sent her the typed-out prayers. She printed them and reads them often.

I’m struck by the magnitude of God, the power of prayer, and how the two work together. God can move and work without us, yet it pleases Him to invite us into the work He is doing. By Lady E.’s testimony and the specific requests on those typed-out prayers, we saw God respond to our hearts as we prayed the desires of His heart, and we heard how it was displayed to Lady E. while she sat in church service.

Cast your burden on the Lord for He cares for you.

Posted with permission by Lady. C.

Lady C. participated in a 2.5-day virtual group for abortion healing. This type of group is fast paced, with a lot of book work for the participants to complete between sessions. If a woman has distractions in her environment, it can make it a challenge for her to not only complete her work, but to continue with the group. Lady C persevered, she did the work, and the group members were able to see her come alive as truth washed over her.

Initially, Lady C would only speak when asked to speak. She is from a different country with a different culture, so I assumed she was shy to be in a group with American women. Fortunately, as the group progressed, she became more relaxed. She eventually began volunteering responses to questions in the study, and she shared thoughts about her past, her faith and her life. Lady C. was very articulate, and her knowledge of the Word was accurate. It was a joy to hear what she had to say, and her words blessed the entire group.

Post-group, Lady C. shared with me that when she signed up for the group, she was very skeptical. She said she felt she would be judged and criticized for feeling shame and sadness over her abortion. She shared that her perception had been that American women are all proud of their abortions and talk about them a lot.

She also told me that before the group, she cried everyday over her abortion. She shared that she now understands the forgiveness that God gives. She said she accepts that this was a part of her past, and she is now able and ready to move on. As she moves on, the passions of her life are to tell women about the awful effects of abortion to protect them from the same pain she has lived with, as well as helping others heal from a past abortion.

Lady C. is praying about co-leading virtual groups with An Even Place. She is seeking to connect women she knew in college who struggle with abortion in their past, to An Even Place for healing.

This story illustrates how we reach the millions that are silently suffering with wounds from abortion – one woman at a time. As each gains the courage to share their story, they can start the healing journey for another woman.

God is so faithful to show His love for us and for our children. I’ve heard many stories of women who say they completely forgot about an abortion until the Lord brought it to their memory. Abortion is trauma for both the baby and the mother. It’s obvious the baby experiences the trauma immediately; the mother, however, might not recognize the emotional trauma and sometimes, the physical trauma, until a later date. At some point, however, the mother will ask herself the same question:

“How could I do that to my baby?”

When that question comes, a woman may try to bury her trauma. She may try to bury it with harmful choices, such as alcohol, drugs, sexual promiscuity, anger, rage, eating disorders, and cutting. Some may try to bury the trauma with successes in education and successes in a career. The mother is seeking to numb herself from her new reality…her new normal. Once she has been pregnant, she can never be the same, for while the baby isn’t physically present, the baby never goes away.

Lady T. had two abortions but only remembered one. She sought healing for her abortion at a retreat specifically designed for abortion trauma recovery. Retreats and weekly recovery groups are designed with two purposes: 1) to restore women to a correct understanding and relationship before the Lord, and 2) to bring their babies out of the shadows and into the light, giving the babies their humanity and dignity. It was at the retreat the Lord helped Lady T remember her second abortion. God knew her two children, and He wanted her to know both children so she could bring both to Him. The Lord wants these mothers to stand in an even place, worshiping before Him and in the church.

When a woman takes this courageous journey to heal by giving herself permission to grieve lost motherhood and then permission to freely imagine who her baby might have been, her baby is no longer a source of shame, but one of joy. She no longer turns her face away but looks forward with great anticipation to the day when she will be reunited with each child in heaven.

As a good heavenly Father, the Lord wants us to live abundant lives. We cannot do that with hidden grief, shame, or pain. All these must come into the light for us to have a full and right relationship with Him.

Last month we were discussing J.’s experience in the virtual abortion recovery group. We left off with J. strengthening herself in the Lord after week 4. All was going well until we were closing out week six. As I detailed the homework for the next week, which was to ask God to help these mothers know what gender the baby was and give them a name, as well as, write their child a letter.

This information hit J. very hard, tears poured out as she told us she didn’t think she was ready for this next step. She was face-to-face with the understanding that by giving her children names would make this all very real for her.

It is a common response for women who’ve had an abortion is to push away all those motherly instincts. You see, we are mothers to those babies regardless of how the child lived or died. Motherly instincts are God-given and don’t go away because our babies aren’t with us.

J. knew she was about to open a door to her heart she had kept locked, sealed, and hidden in darkness for decades. My co-leader (Carrie) and I spent nearly 1.5 hours on zoom with her and the other ladies as they processed what they were about to face. It was precious and sacred time. J. allowed us to speak truth and life into her as we read scripture, reminded her of God’s love and prayed with her.

This part of the journey can be incredibly difficult to navigate. As guides/leaders/facilitators we get to lead ladies to several peak experiences, but the climb can be emotionally challenging. For the women who make it through to the summit they are stilled by the incredible view and vastness of God’s beauty and love for them.

J. pushed through, tethered herself to the Lord and trusted her guides that she would see glory at the top. In so doing, she made a sweet connection with her children and now looks with anticipation to the day when she will meet them face-to-face.

What a joy it is to help connect mothers with their babies. For some it is the first connection. For J. it was hers.

Her faith is stronger, her hope more certain and she is more in love with the Lord which is a direct result of your faithful prayers and giving.

Thank you for your partnership with An Even Place!