Category: Testimonies

God is so faithful to show His love for us and for our children. I’ve heard many stories of women who say they completely forgot about an abortion until the Lord brought it to their memory. Abortion is trauma for both the baby and the mother. It’s obvious the baby experiences the trauma immediately; the mother, however, might not recognize the emotional trauma and sometimes, the physical trauma, until a later date. At some point, however, the mother will ask herself the same question:

“How could I do that to my baby?”

When that question comes, a woman may try to bury her trauma. She may try to bury it with harmful choices, such as alcohol, drugs, sexual promiscuity, anger, rage, eating disorders, and cutting. Some may try to bury the trauma with successes in education and successes in a career. The mother is seeking to numb herself from her new reality…her new normal. Once she has been pregnant, she can never be the same, for while the baby isn’t physically present, the baby never goes away.

Lady T. had two abortions but only remembered one. She sought healing for her abortion at a retreat specifically designed for abortion trauma recovery. Retreats and weekly recovery groups are designed with two purposes: 1) to restore women to a correct understanding and relationship before the Lord, and 2) to bring their babies out of the shadows and into the light, giving the babies their humanity and dignity. It was at the retreat the Lord helped Lady T remember her second abortion. God knew her two children, and He wanted her to know both children so she could bring both to Him. The Lord wants these mothers to stand in an even place, worshiping before Him and in the church.

When a woman takes this courageous journey to heal by giving herself permission to grieve lost motherhood and then permission to freely imagine who her baby might have been, her baby is no longer a source of shame, but one of joy. She no longer turns her face away but looks forward with great anticipation to the day when she will be reunited with each child in heaven.

As a good heavenly Father, the Lord wants us to live abundant lives. We cannot do that with hidden grief, shame, or pain. All these must come into the light for us to have a full and right relationship with Him.

Last month we were discussing J.’s experience in the virtual abortion recovery group. We left off with J. strengthening herself in the Lord after week 4. All was going well until we were closing out week six. As I detailed the homework for the next week, which was to ask God to help these mothers know what gender the baby was and give them a name, as well as, write their child a letter.

This information hit J. very hard, tears poured out as she told us she didn’t think she was ready for this next step. She was face-to-face with the understanding that by giving her children names would make this all very real for her.

It is a common response for women who’ve had an abortion is to push away all those motherly instincts. You see, we are mothers to those babies regardless of how the child lived or died. Motherly instincts are God-given and don’t go away because our babies aren’t with us.

J. knew she was about to open a door to her heart she had kept locked, sealed, and hidden in darkness for decades. My co-leader (Carrie) and I spent nearly 1.5 hours on zoom with her and the other ladies as they processed what they were about to face. It was precious and sacred time. J. allowed us to speak truth and life into her as we read scripture, reminded her of God’s love and prayed with her.

This part of the journey can be incredibly difficult to navigate. As guides/leaders/facilitators we get to lead ladies to several peak experiences, but the climb can be emotionally challenging. For the women who make it through to the summit they are stilled by the incredible view and vastness of God’s beauty and love for them.

J. pushed through, tethered herself to the Lord and trusted her guides that she would see glory at the top. In so doing, she made a sweet connection with her children and now looks with anticipation to the day when she will meet them face-to-face.

What a joy it is to help connect mothers with their babies. For some it is the first connection. For J. it was hers.

Her faith is stronger, her hope more certain and she is more in love with the Lord which is a direct result of your faithful prayers and giving.

Thank you for your partnership with An Even Place!

“Can I come to one meeting, then not come to the next if it gets too hard then show up at a later meeting?”

J. didn’t think she could handle the emotional journey she was signing up for in the Forgiven and Set Free bible study. The above was one of her questions as we communicated by phone prior to our first group meeting. The fear in her voice was palatable. During J’s initial group session, she shed many tears as she shared some of her story with us.

For several weeks I would reach out to her in between our sessions. She had a lot of questions about the things she was feeling or the thoughts mulling about in her head so, we would spend time chatting and sorting through them. While the details of her story are unique to her, the feelings she was processing through are universal to nearly all women who struggle with a past abortion experience. Fear, shame, guilt, anxiety, thinking she is all alone, thinking something is wrong with her because she can’t get past how she feels, engaging in negative self-talk, and thinking she must remain silent because others will reject her. These are all common and normal emotions and thoughts for a woman with an abortion in her past.

After week four I was pretty confidant all the participants would finish the study. Little did I know the warfare and breakthrough on the horizon for J. She came to group for week five with a story to tell. I cannot do her experience justice, but I will give it a go since it’s important for you to know how powerful your prayers were which covered her.

J. had been talking with a close friend about the group and sharing some of what was she was learning about God, herself, and her abortion. Her friend was misinterpreting J’s information as something that was negative for J. As any good friend would do, she encouraged her to leave the group. Quit! J. considered her point of view and prayed. J. was angry, hurt, confused, depressed and anxious about what to do. Then God showed up. He met her in her confused state, settled her heart with understanding that she was going through this study to be free of the many years of shame that cloaked her, grow in her relationship with the Lord, and give her child some dignity.

It’s important to understand, at this point in the study, she had not made a connection with her child. Yet, she clasped a hold of what God was showing her, drew off His strength with renewed enthusiasm and hope.