By Mindy Lefaucheur, Founder and Executive Director of An Even Place
The voice of shame rarely introduces itself. It often sounds like your own voice.
You should have known better.
God must be disappointed in you.
If anyone knew, they would never look at you the same way.
You deserve to carry this pain.
After years, these messages can feel true because they are familiar. You may not remember when they began or whose voice first spoke them. They use memories and ordinary moments as evidence against you.
So, where does shame come from after an abortion?
Shame entered the human story through sin, but its voice may echo the enemy, other people, culture, church, or your own conclusions. It gathers them into one verdict: What you did is who you are.
That verdict is not the voice of God.
Where Did Shame Begin?
Genesis 2:25 says Adam and Eve “were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (NKJV). They were fully known by God and one another without hiding.
Everything changed after they disobeyed God.
In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve covered themselves and hid when God came near. Sin produced guilt, but shame changed how they saw themselves and God. The God they welcomed was now Someone they feared.
Notice what God did next. He called to Adam, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9, NKJV).
God was not looking for Adam’s location. He was drawing Adam out of hiding. He addressed the sin and its consequences truthfully while moving toward the people who hid.
Shame still follows the same pattern. Something happens, guilt enters, and shame says, Cover yourself. Hide from God. Do not let anyone see the truth.
This movement from being fully known to hiding after sin is also traced in the pastoral article “How the Gospel Heals Shame.”[1]
After an abortion, hiding may continue for decades. You may avoid conversations, conceal part of your story, or distance yourself from God because prayer feels exposing. Yet the God who called into the garden still calls people out of hiding.
Is the Voice of Shame the Same as God’s Conviction?
No. Conviction and shame may both recall the past, but they have different messages and destinations.
The Holy Spirit’s conviction is specific: This was sin. Bring it to God. It leads to repentance and mercy without minimizing abortion or pretending no life was lost. It makes honest confession possible by pointing to Christ.
Shame is different. Shame takes a true statement, such as I had an abortion, and builds a false identity from it: I am unforgivable. I am ruined. I will always be condemned.
Leading The Way describes the gospel as freedom from condemnation that calls shame-burdened believers out of hiding.[2]
Conviction says, “Come into the light.”
Shame says, “Stay hidden.”
Conviction leads you toward God.
Shame insists God does not want you.
Conviction has an end. When sin is confessed and forgiveness received, it no longer demands payment. Shame never reaches an end because healing was never its goal.
2 Corinthians 7:10 (NKJV) states that “godly sorrow leads to repentance resulting in salvation,” whereas “worldly sorrow leads to death.”
Godly sorrow moves toward life. Shame reopens a case Jesus settled.
If a voice only accuses, condemns, isolates, and offers no path toward redemption, it does not reflect the heart of God.
Does the Enemy Use Abortion Guilt and Shame?
Scripture calls Satan “the accuser” in Revelation 12:10. Accusation is part of his character. He does not need to invent every detail of your past. He can point to something that really happened and then lie about what it means now.
The accusation may sound like this:
Yes, God forgives sin, but not this sin.
Other women may heal, but your abortion was different.
If you stop punishing yourself, you are saying your baby did not matter.
You cannot serve God after what you did.
The enemy wants accusation to feel like holiness. But repentance turns toward God, receives what Christ has done, and walks in a new direction. Self-condemnation keeps your attention fixed on your failure.
This does not mean every painful thought is a direct spiritual attack. Some thoughts come from grief, memory, or words that have become deeply rooted over time. But the enemy is willing to use any message that causes you to distrust God’s character and reject His mercy.
Jesus called Satan “a liar and the father of it” (John 8:44, NKJV). A lie may feel powerful, but it does not become true because it is painful or persistent.
Can the Voice of Shame Come From Other People?
Sometimes the voice of shame once belonged to someone else.
Perhaps a partner blamed you for the abortion after pressuring you to have it. A parent may have said you embarrassed the family.
Someone at church might have talked about abortion truthfully, but without empathy, making you feel there’s no safe space to share your experience.
The person involved in the abortion may have moved on while leaving you alone with the grief.
Even silence can carry a message.
When abortion is only talked about as a political topic, a woman in the church pew might think, People like me are not accepted here.
Marriage, Shame, and the Silence After Abortion shares one woman’s experience of carrying that silence for decades.
People can speak carelessly or harshly. Their words may reveal their own fear or lack of understanding. Their response does not determine God’s response.
Jesus consistently brought truth and mercy together. He did not call sin good, but neither did He crush people who came to Him in repentance. Isaiah 42:3 says of Him, “A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench” (NKJV).
If someone else’s words have become the voice inside your head, consider asking yourself: Did this person’s words align with the truth and character of Jesus?
A statement can mention God while misrepresenting His heart.
When Does Shame Begin to Sound Like Your Own Voice?
A message heard often enough can become an inner script. In Kenisha Collins’s Abortion Story, Kenisha describes how early experiences shaped her view of herself and how abortion deepened an existing prison of shame.
You may no longer hear the voice of the person who first condemned you. Now you say the words to yourself. You may replay the abortion, imagine different choices, and put yourself on trial again. Over time, self-condemnation may feel responsible or even necessary.
1 John 3:20 addresses this challenge: “Whenever our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows everything” (NKJV).
Your heart can condemn you and still be wrong about God’s verdict.
This does not mean denying responsibility. It means your feelings do not have greater authority than God. He knows what happened, what influenced you, what you chose, what you lost, and what Jesus paid.
Shame often tells you that ongoing suffering shows you care. However, denying yourself God’s mercy doesn’t honor your child. Grief can respect a life. Repentance can admit wrongdoing. Healing can enable God to restore what shame aimed to ruin.
How Can You Recognize the Voice of Shame?
You can begin by examining not only what the voice says, but where it leads.
Ask yourself:
- Does this voice lead me toward God or make me hide from Him?
- Is it specific about what needs to be confessed, or does it condemn my entire identity?
- Does it agree that Christ’s sacrifice is sufficient?
- Does it offer a path toward repentance and restoration?
- Does it sound like the character of Jesus revealed in Scripture?
Then write down the exact accusation. Do not leave it as a vague feeling. Complete the sentence: Because I had an abortion, I believe I am ________.
Now place that belief beside God’s Word.
If the word is condemned, read Romans 8:1.
If it is unforgivable, read 1 John 1:9.
If it is abandoned, read Psalm 34:18.
If it is useless, read 2 Corinthians 5:17–20.
This is not about covering a deep wound with a quick Bible verse. It is about allowing God’s truth to expose a lie that may have shaped your identity for years. That process often takes time, repetition, grief, prayer, and safe community.
Which Voice Will Have the Final Word?
The voice of shame may have several sources, but it carries one central message: Hide until you can fix yourself.
The voice of God says something very different: Come into the light because Jesus has made forgiveness possible.
God’s voice tells the truth about abortion, but He does not use that truth to destroy a repentant heart. He uses truth to lead us to Christ, where sin is confessed, forgiveness is received, and identity is restored.
If you are still learning to separate conviction from condemnation, you do not have to do it alone. Read How Can I Forgive Myself After Abortion? or explore confidential, virtual abortion recovery groups. You may also begin privately through The Healing Corner.
The voice of shame may sound familiar, but familiar does not mean trustworthy.
Listen for the voice that calls you out of hiding, tells you the truth, and leads you toward mercy.
That is the voice worth following.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does shame after abortion come from God?
No. God may convict you of sin, but His conviction leads toward confession, forgiveness, and restored relationship. Shame condemns your identity and tells you to remain hidden.
Why does the voice of shame sound like my own thoughts?
Repeated messages can become familiar inner beliefs. Familiarity does not prove they are true.
Can I feel forgiven and still grieve my abortion?
Yes. You can receive God’s forgiveness while continuing to mourn your child and process your loss.
How do I know whether a thought is conviction or condemnation?
Conviction identifies sin and leads you toward God, repentance, and restoration. Condemnation attacks your identity, offers no path forward, and pushes you toward hiding and despair.
Sources
- Morrison, Benjamin. “How the Gospel Heals Shame.” Calvary Chapel, 2023.
- Lisle, Laura. “Guilt and Shame in the Bible: The Freedom Christ Gives.” Leading The Way, 2026.
About the Author
Mindy Lefaucheur is the founder and executive director of An Even Place, a virtual ministry providing Christ-centered abortion recovery and discipleship. Drawing from her own experience of abortion and healing, Mindy is passionate about helping women and men find freedom from shame, experience hope in Christ, and move forward with purpose.