What should I do if I regret my abortion?

If you regret your abortion, you may wonder whether you are allowed to talk about it. Perhaps you expected to feel relief, yet you feel sadness, guilt, anger, grief, or confusion. You may even feel relief about part of your situation while also grieving what happened. Human emotions are rarely simple.

Whatever you feel, you do not have to hide it.

Abortion regrets can surface soon after an abortion or many years later. A birthday, pregnancy, ultrasound, family gathering, church service, or quiet moment may bring the memory back. Sometimes there is no obvious trigger. The feelings simply rise to the surface.

Regret after abortion does not mean you are beyond help. It may be an invitation to stop carrying this part of your story alone. Healing begins when you are willing to tell the truth about what happened, receive support from safe people, and bring your guilt and grief to Jesus Christ.

Do women regret abortion?

Some women regret their abortions deeply. Others say they do not. Some experience mixed emotions that change over time. No single statistic can describe every woman’s experience.

A widely cited 2020 study followed 667 women who had abortions at 30 facilities across 21 states. Five years later, researchers found that most participants continued to believe abortion had been the right decision for them. Relief was the most common emotion reported, although some women also reported sadness, guilt, regret, or anger. The intensity of both positive and negative emotions generally decreased over time.¹

A different peer-reviewed study published in 2023 surveyed 1,000 American women ages 41 to 45. Among the 226 women who reported having an abortion, 33% described it as wanted, 43% said it was accepted but inconsistent with their values or preferences, and 24% described it as unwanted or coerced.² The study’s authors are associated with pro-life research organizations. That background should be considered when reviewing the findings, just as the background, questions, and methods of any study should be considered.

These studies reached different conclusions because they asked different questions, recruited women differently, and examined different groups. “Do I believe I made the right decision?” is also not exactly the same as “Have I ever experienced grief, guilt, sadness, or regret?”

The American Psychological Association states that most women do not develop mental illness simply because they had an abortion. It also recognizes that women may experience a range of emotions, including grief, sadness, and regret.³

The most honest answer is this: abortion regret is real, but it is not universal. Statistics can help us understand groups of people, but they cannot tell us what one particular woman carries in her heart.

If abortion regret is part of your story, your pain matters even if someone else’s experience was different.

What are abortion regrets?

Abortion regrets are thoughts or feelings of sorrow about an abortion or the circumstances surrounding it. You may regret the abortion itself, how the decision was made, the pressure you experienced, the lack of information or support you received, or the belief that you had no other choice.

Regret often speaks through “if only” questions:

• What if I had waited one more day?
• What if someone had offered help?
• What if I had walked out?
• What if I had told my family?
• What if I had not allowed fear or pressure to decide for me?
• What would my child have been like?

Regret looks backward and wishes the past had been different. It can remain for a lifetime because the past cannot be changed. However, regret does not have to control your entire life. You can remember what happened without living every day under its full weight.

Healing does not erase your story. It changes the way you carry it.

What is the difference between regret and guilt after abortion?

Regret and guilt are connected, but they are not the same.

Regret says, “I wish I had made a different decision.”

Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”

Regret focuses on what you wish had happened. Guilt recognizes personal responsibility. Although guilt is uncomfortable, it can serve a good purpose when it tells the truth and points us toward our need for a Savior.

The Bible describes a sorrow that leads to repentance and life instead of leaving us trapped in despair:

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 (NIV)

Guilt is not meant to become your permanent home. It is meant to lead you to Jesus.

We cannot remove our own guilt by punishing ourselves, doing enough good things, serving in ministry, becoming perfect parents, or refusing to enjoy life. Guilt is covered only by Jesus Christ. He took the punishment for sin through His death on the cross and offers forgiveness to those who repent and trust Him.

Regret may remain part of your memory, but guilt does not have to remain uncovered. Jesus does not pretend sin never happened. He fully paid its debt.

Are guilt and shame the same thing?

No. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am permanently ruined and no longer worthy of love.”

Guilt can point you toward confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Shame usually drives you into hiding. It tells you that if people knew the truth, they would reject you. It may even tell you that God could forgive other people but would never forgive you.

That is not the gospel.

Romans 8:1 (NIV) says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

This does not call abortion good or excuse what happened. It tells us that Jesus is greater than our sin. In Christ, you can honestly acknowledge your abortion while also believing that His payment is enough. You do not have to minimize the past to receive mercy.

Why am I feeling regret after abortion now?

Abortion regret does not always appear immediately. During a crisis, you may have focused on getting through the next hour or day. You may have felt numb, frightened, pressured, or relieved that the immediate crisis seemed to be over.

Years later, life may become quiet enough for your heart to process what it could not process before. Regret can also surface after:

• A later pregnancy or the birth of another child
• Infertility or miscarriage
• A relationship ending
• Seeing a child who would be the same age as yours
• Mother’s Day or the anniversary of the abortion
• Returning to church or growing in your faith
• Hearing another person’s abortion story
• The death of a parent or another major loss

You are not strange or weak because your feelings surfaced later. You may simply be ready to face something you once had to push aside.

For more conversations about delayed grief and emotional pain, explore the An Even Place blog or listen to Can Painful Memories Bring Healing After Abortion? on the Your Healing Place podcast.

What can one woman’s story teach us about abortion regret?

We will call her Erin.

Soon after taking the abortion pill, Erin contacted An Even Place. She was overwhelmed with sorrow and could hardly stop crying. She was angry with herself for not leaving the abortion facility and angry with the father of her baby for pressuring her.

Medication abortion, commonly called the abortion pill, is now common. The Guttmacher Institute reports that medication abortion accounted for 65% of clinician-provided abortions in the United States in 2023.⁴ Yet the emotional experience afterward can vary greatly from one woman to another.

Erin struggled with what she experienced and could not imagine when her pain would end. She joined a virtual abortion recovery group, but healing did not happen instantly. The first part of the group was difficult. She needed support, prayer, and people willing to remain close while she worked through her emotions.

One night, while members of the ministry’s prayer team were praying for her, Erin decided to return to church. There, she experienced God’s comfort in a deeply personal way. Her circumstances had not been erased, but something began changing within her.

Through the group, Erin discovered that she was not alone and that she could discuss her feelings without judgment. She learned how healing God’s Word could be. She later said that she found her faith again and that her love for God had grown tremendously.

Erin’s story, drawn from her personal testimony and her leader’s account of the healing journey, does not promise that everyone will heal in the same way or at the same speed. It shows that intense abortion grief and regret do not have to be the final chapter.

How can I cope with abortion regret?

Begin by telling the truth in a safe place. You do not have to tell everyone, but carrying everything alone can deepen isolation.

You might begin by writing down what you regret, what you lost, what you feared, and what influenced your decision. Ask yourself whether you are dealing mainly with grief, guilt, anger, pressure, trauma, spiritual questions, or a mixture of several things.

You can also consider these gentle steps:

• Talk with someone who understands abortion-related grief.
• Allow yourself to grieve instead of demanding that you “get over it.”
• Bring your guilt honestly to Jesus.
• Learn the difference between conviction and condemnation.
• Avoid using work, alcohol, relationships, food, or constant activity to bury the pain.
• Consider joining a confidential abortion recovery group.
• Listen to others who have experienced healing.
• Give yourself time to process the different layers of your experience.

An Even Place offers confidential, virtual abortion recovery groups where women can process grief, guilt, regret, and other emotions in a safe, faith-based setting. The groups are available at no cost and are led by compassionate women who understand the healing journey.

If you need to talk with someone today, contact the H3Helpline by calling or texting 866-721-7881. It is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and its coaches understand the complicated emotions that can follow abortion.

You can also listen to Can God Forgive Me After an Abortion? or browse the complete Your Healing Place podcast for faith-based conversations about abortion guilt, grief, regret, and recovery.

Should I see a counselor for abortion regret?

Counseling is not necessary for every person, but it can be a helpful part of healing, especially if your abortion experience involved pressure, trauma, an abusive relationship, depression, anxiety, panic, or memories that interfere with daily life.

Look for a licensed counselor who respects your beliefs about faith and spirituality and allows you to talk honestly about abortion without minimizing your loss or increasing your shame. Ask whether the counselor has experience with grief, trauma, pregnancy loss, or abortion-related emotional concerns.

Directories such as Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network, the American Association of Christian Counselors’ Christian Care Connect, and Psychology Today’s Christian therapist directory can help you research possible counselors. These directories are starting points, not personal endorsements. Review each counselor’s credentials, beliefs, experience, fees, and licensing before deciding.

Professional therapy can support emotional healing, but it cannot replace the forgiveness of Christ. A counselor may help you understand your emotions and experiences and help you manage symptoms that are affecting your daily life. Jesus alone can cover guilt and reconcile you to God.

Can I really find hope after abortion?

Yes. Hope after abortion does not depend on changing the past. It rests in what Jesus has already done.

You may always wish the abortion had not happened. You may remember your child, your circumstances, or the day itself for the rest of your life. But remembering is not the same as remaining trapped.

Through Christ, regret can become remembrance without constant despair. Guilt can lead to repentance and forgiveness. Grief can be expressed instead of hidden. Your story can become a place where God displays His mercy.

You are not too far gone. You are not disqualified from being loved, serving God, enjoying your family, or living with purpose. Healing may take time and happen in layers, but freedom is possible.

You do not have to call abortion right in order to move forward. You can tell the truth about it, grieve it, receive Christ’s forgiveness, and learn to live in hope.

Frequently Asked Questions About Abortion Regrets

Is regret after abortion normal?

Some women experience regret, grief, guilt, anger, or mixed emotions after abortion, while others do not. Your experience does not have to match someone else’s experience to be real.

Can abortion regret begin years later?

Yes. Abortion regret or grief can surface years or even decades later, often during another pregnancy, a loss, a relationship change, an anniversary, or renewed spiritual growth.

Will abortion regret last forever?

You may always wish the past had been different, but regret does not have to remain as painful or controlling as it is today. Healing can change the way you carry the memory.

Can God forgive me for having an abortion?

Yes. Forgiveness is available through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. His death is sufficient to cover every sin, including abortion.

How do I begin healing after abortion?

Begin by telling the truth in a safe setting, allowing yourself to grieve, bringing your guilt to Jesus, and seeking support through a trusted person, recovery group, pastor, or qualified counselor.

What if the father of the baby also regrets the abortion?

Men can experience grief after abortion, including guilt, anger, helplessness, or regret. He may benefit from confidential support designed specifically for men, but you are not responsible for managing his healing. Men can visit An Even Place Men’s Resources to learn about abortion recovery groups and other opportunities for healing.

Should I tell my children about my past abortion?

This is a personal decision that should consider their ages, maturity, your reasons for sharing, and the possible effect on them. A trusted pastor, abortion recovery leader, or qualified counselor can help you prepare before beginning that conversation.

Sources

1. Rocca, C. H., et al. “Emotions and Decision Rightness Over Five Years Following an Abortion.” Social Science & Medicine, 2020.
2. Reardon, D. C., et al. “The Effects of Abortion Decision Rightness and Decision Type on Women’s Satisfaction and Mental Health.” Cureus, 2023.
3. American Psychological Association. “The Facts About Abortion and Mental Health.”
4. Guttmacher Institute. “Abortion in the United States.”
5. Focus on the Family. “Counseling Services and Referrals.”
6. American Association of Christian Counselors. “Christian Care Network and Provider Directory.”
7. Psychology Today. “Christian Therapist Directory.”

About the Author

Mindy Lefaucheur is the founder and executive director of An Even Place, a virtual ministry providing Christ-centered abortion recovery and discipleship. Drawing from her own experience of abortion and healing, Mindy is passionate about helping women and men find freedom from shame, experience hope in Christ, and move forward with purpose.