Grief. We all experience it at some point in our lives, and it’s truly universal. Grief most often refers to deep sorrow, especially related to someone’s death. When we consider the many languages across the world, there are thousands of words to describe grief. 

In our fast-paced world, there is an unspoken pressure to “bounce back” from grief. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings doesn’t make them go away; it only forces them to manifest elsewhere. Incomplete resolution of grief can show up in physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, stomach issues, muscle tension, and even a weakened immune system. There are also well-documented mental health risks, such as clinical depression, anxiety, or prolonged grief disorder. 

To heal, we must accept that grief, in all its messy and unpredictable forms, is not a problem to be solved but a process to be lived. While the experience of grief is universally shared, it’s fascinating to explore how grief is handled differently across cultures. 

Individual vs. Collective Mourning

In Western cultures, grief is often a private, individual journey. In both eastern and indigenous cultures, grief is felt and supported by the entire community. 

Emotional Expression

Some cultures encourage visible mourning in the form of loud, public displays of grief as a form of catharsis and respect. African and Middle Eastern traditions often involve wailing or lamenting, whereas other cultures, such as the U.S., Finland, and Taiwan, discourage visible crying and encourage private prayer.

Duration

Cultural norms define how long a person is “allowed” to grieve before it’s considered problematic. Judaism features structured stages of grieving, including Shiva for seven days followed by Shloshim for thirty days. In traditional Chinese culture, mourning can last 100 days or even up to three years for a parent or a firstborn son, during which social activities are limited. In Egypt, it is considered normal to grieve for seven years, whereas in the U.S., intense grief exceeding twelve months may be labeled as “prolonged grief disorder.”

Symbolic Colors

Black traditionally signifies sorrow in many Western and some African traditions. White symbolizes purity and is the color of mourning in many Asian cultures, including China and India. 

Relationship with the Deceased

Many cultures emphasize an ongoing relationship with the dead rather than “detaching,” such as Mexico, which celebrates The Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos), The Obon Festival in Japan, and Toraja in Indonesia, which provides for keeping the deceased in the family home for months or years before a grand funeral is held. As Christians, we are discouraged from talking to or engaging in an ongoing relationship with the dead. Deuteronomy 18:10-11, Leviticus 10:27, and Leviticus 20:6 are clear. We are not to engage in activities as any “medium” between God and the dead, and this should be taken seriously by those of us who desire to follow Biblical directives. In the United States, memorializing the deceased is common in the form of a headstone at a cemetery, a memorial service, a celebration of life, or a foundation created in the loved one’s name.

If you or someone you love has been impacted by the loss of an unborn child through abortion, miscarriage, or stillbirth, grief is just as palpable as it is for those who have lost someone who has been born and lived. These mourners have the same need to grieve, but are often disenfranchised when society doesn’t consider their loss “worthy” of grief. 

Grief doesn’t follow a neat linear path; it comes in waves that may recur for years. Acceptance, typically the final stage of grief, doesn’t mean you are “okay” with what happened, but it means acknowledging the reality of the situation so you can stop fighting it and start living within it. Over time, you don’t “get over” grief. Instead, you integrate it into who you are, creating a “new normal” where joy and sorrow can coexist.

If you or someone you know is stuck in their grief and is not progressing, please consider referring them to a licensed counselor or contacting the National Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787. Warmline.org also provides phone lines across the country that can provide compassionate support. 

For help with healing and recovery following an abortion, please contact us at An Even Place.