Abortion takes from us not just a pregnancy, but often our motherhood. Many of us are left feeling that we are no longer worthy or able to become mothers. We struggle being around the babies of our friends. We skip the showers. We ignore Mother’s Day. We have repeat abortions.
“…no longer worthy or able…”
Men also experience this fallout. My college partner told me years after “our” abortion that he never felt he could be a father because he had “failed”.
If we are not able to get pregnant after abortion, the mantra plays in our heads, “I would not have been a good mother anyway.”
“I’m not a good mom”
If we have other children, the mantra plays, “I’m not a good mom” or “I have to prove I’m a good mom by ….” It colors our mothering with regret and fear and wondering about how the lost child would have compared to and related to our living children. We even can fear that God will get even with us by allowing something bad to happen to our other children.
Don’t let your abortions rob you of mothering your future children, your current children, and even the other children in your life. With healing, God can replace in our hearts the ability to nurture and love little ones freely and well without guilt or pain. To pour ourselves into the next generation. And in that selfless sacrifice comes joy at seeing lives grow and thrive.
“The journey of healing…”
The journey of healing after abortion is painful for most of us, but the sooner you begin, the less impact the trauma of abortion will have on your life and family. Recovery from abortion includes walking through both guilt and grief. We must squarely face what we chose, why we chose, and how it impacted us and others. Don’t make this journey alone. There are many of us that have walked it before and found healing and peace.
“…grieve the loss of YOUR children…”
One of the keys to restoring your motherhood is to grieve the loss of YOUR children – unique individuals – lost to abortion. Give them dignity and honor. Grief, while painful, leads to closure. Say hello, and then say goodbye for now.
A special task given to mothers and fathers is to choose a name for their children. Naming your children lost to abortion helps give them personhood, acknowledges their existence and that they are a part of your family. The National Memorial for the Unborn, MemorialForTheUnborn.org, provides one way to honor them by placing their name on a permanent wall.
“…silenced by truth…”
When we can accept our role as mother to our lost children, then we are released to mother other children well out of a place of healing, forgiveness and the wholeness God offers us in Jesus. The lies in our heads about not being good mothers will be silenced by truth. We will be free to love.
One lady who went through a recovery group with me recently had two abortions, never had other children, and throughout the study repeated that she just “wasn’t into kids” and could never have been a good mother. Several months later she told me that for the first time ever she had celebrated being a mother on Mother’s Day. The new joy and peace in her face was beautiful.
“Restoring motherhood stolen…”
Motherhood is not about biology – it is about love. Restoring motherhood stolen by abortion is not about our bodies – it is about our hearts.
We cannot take back our choice to have an abortion,
but we can take back our choice not to love our children
and make room in our hearts for them.
Many great resources and people are available to help you through this healing journey. Don’t let abortion isolate you. You are not alone. There are others who have made this journey and found wholeness and yes, even joy. Reach out today by clicking the resources button on this site.
by Linda Keener Thomas
National Memorial for the Unborn
